forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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