I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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