I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
