I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
