I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize