I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize