Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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