hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
