why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
