Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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