ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There was a lot of him and a little penis
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
