I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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