Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Couch. On fire.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
