I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
