Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
