Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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