I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
