mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
