what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
