omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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