We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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