Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
