If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
