Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
