phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
