He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
