No awkward lesbian experiences without me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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