we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
