Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
