I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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