I'm going to jail i love you
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
