Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
if only i could text you this smell
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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