Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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