He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize