and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
