remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
