Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
