Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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