Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
