She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
