I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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