i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
