I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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