he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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