Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
