He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
