The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The dick lei will go down in squad history
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
