you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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