My room smells like vodka and shame
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
