i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
