Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize