I love black thongs
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She said her name was "party"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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