Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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