I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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