so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
