I puked a lego.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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