so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
