No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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