called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i think im in europe. pls send help
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
