Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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