I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
