As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
