Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
