Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
